Does a bitch really taste that good?

Gloomy day, received a call from someone I knew for long today. From far I could sensed she is in trouble. Yet I didn't want to make such conclusion too fast, I maybe wrong. But true enough,  a painful cry from the other end, hoping for a helping hand. I guess I am a good mind reader.

To my dear friend, I am sorry for what you have been through. Maybe you are right, no man is a right man, no marriage is perfect with just romance. It required more than just sex and love.

To all men in the world, open your heart, listen to this voice, it came deep down from your humble wives.

Could there still be a delicate soul hiding behind the facade of a man who gone wild and wrong? What is the real face beneath the mask of defiance that you dons?

At the moment you enjoy hugging another woman tight to your chest, you wife is stuck home with the kids worrying if you have had your meals or will you safely home. At that very moment when she calls you she actually already know something is not right but she choose to trust you. When you reaches home, she shows no qualms but a smile, yet you never appreciate.

Dear men, when a woman has decided to leave their family to be with you, they have actually gave up most of the good things they used to have in life.  Your wife harbours a down to earth dream of settling down with the right person. Yes define them the way you think it is, you maybe capable to give her a better life in your own definition but better life is not by getting her more branded bags or taking her to a luxury dinner. A good wife do not want all that from you. It's the honesty and trust that what they long for.

No woman is blind enough to ignore a blatant lie. At that very moment you open up for another woman, that is the beginning of a betrayal. The time you basks in your risque actions, holding other woman's hand without guilty, you have actually made a choice to made it tough. Your wife is paying high price for a strong person she could. The curve on her face is made for you, with yearnings for sure.

Dear friend, I tell you to let go and forgive. Take it as lesson and again, it's a choice you can make. Listen to your heart. The little ones you are bearing now is the reason you are here today. Stay strong, have faith my dear friend. 

A great 15 months..

Oh wow!Oh no! Omaigad..I know rightttt..lol

...and here I am again, after 15 months since my baby was born. Sure God you know more than I do I believe. Being a new mom is way challenging than what I could imagine. My day and night were fully occupied with this little man. From feeding to cleaning, from one task to another, I became handful overnight.  Being sleepless for over a year now, worrying if he is well or full enough, wonder if he is fine with the babysitter, Oh tell me about it. I couldn't actually recall when was the last time I had more than 4 hours sleep a day, or sitting on my own watching a korean drama. Even if I do, I will fall asleep the next few counts. Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely not complaining. Just sharing how much it takes from a single lady to a full time working mother. busy busy and busyyyy yet happy happy happyyy!

Ok done with me, let's talk about Ian boy. I am pleased Ian has grown up well for the past 15 months. I am consider very lucky as he is such an easy baby, no tantrum, just a little shy (Ops! sure is my genes! :p). Ian was born via induced labour 2 weeks earlier as I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes (GD) during pregnancy. Yeah I know I should look even sweeter at that time right?! haha~ It sound funny to be one but I can't deny how much rice I took on every meal. Not the sweet stuffs that causing my GD but the carbo! My gyne advised me to cut down carbo especially rice and for 8 weeks before due I was only allowed to take a spoon of rice. Yes, a spoon of rice! Even hamster don't eat that little ok! It is as good as not eating at all right. huhu Imagine I was on food control for 8 weeks but mid of that period doctor found out that my GD level is getting higher and higher each week so I need to go on Insulin. Oh no! Injecting insulin to my tummy twice a day, checking my sugar level 3 times a day, enough to make me a super woman ain't I? When I think about it again, I wonder how I went through that especially me who is allergy to needle..Mother's love ba kali kan orang bilang..

After I had Ian, I was told by many that induced labour is 3x even more painful than a natural contraction. I am unsure about that as this was my first time and so happened it was an induced labour. Normally mommies with GD or HB will be pushed labour as there is risk of fetus death in the womb or Macrosomia (giant baby). My case is more to Macrosomia. Ian is stable at all time but his size is what worrying everyone. He grew like 500g each week and if I choose to wait until full term, he may weight 4kg+ and that's surely dangerous for a petite size like me for a natural delivery. Honestly, for the induced part, I think it's bearable because I am a super woman, no painkiller no epidural just mother's love. Am I amazing? aiyo no different lah, still kuyak ok. haha!  I guess it's my excitement that covered up the pain I believe. I just couldn't wait to see my little ones and to show his proud father, "nahhhh, your baby!"

Oh well, 15 months has passed. It was a tremendous milestones for both Ian and me. From a party animal, now a mommy-material. 5.30 sharp I will make sure I pack my stuffs and go home! Switching myself from a career woman to a mother seems way easier than the other way round. Sob sob..:.( 

From a day old, now you are a walking man. Mommy loves you to the moon and the star and the sky, SON!

Presenting my little man!

Finally, August the 12, right at 8:12pm, I've safely delivered my little baby. Filling our hearts with love and joy, I proudly announce the arrival of our little miracle, Rayyan Tan Ridwan.

The name (in Muslim):
Rayyan - Name of the gates of Heaven
Ridwan - Name of the keeper of the gates of Heaven
Tan - He got it from his mama! :)

Somehow, we love to call him as Ian, short and "so-him". I still couldn't believe am finally a mother now. Thanks for the wondering journey you gave to mama, darling. Mommy & Daddy love you so much!

Imma lucky mummy!

Pregnant lady can be so scary. The consistent changes of hormones make them a fierce one, uneasy to handle them too. Though am not in the category of fierce preggo, but my mood sometimes will be hare-wire too. Instead of being fierce, I am rather a crying baby. I get so sensitive with whatever words come out from my hubby's mouth. Am easily upset for nothing. Though most of the time I know he didn't mean anything, but I still will ended up crying. I couldn't take any jokes, especially when it comes to "who's going to look after my baby" topic. I get so so sensitive with the topic as I know I need to find a nanny or nursery for my little ones, which I believe none of the parents willing to do so if they have a choice.

Too bad, I know I can't get rid of the topic forever. Soon the time will come, and I still need to face it no matter what. Time to time, hubby will try to raise the topic yet at every moment I will end up upset and crying. It's truly hard. Even now writing about this I feel sour in my throat. :( It's hurt to face the fact that I need to send my little baby to someone else. So sorry baby, how mummy wish mummy have choice. :(

Okey forget about sad thing as there is many more to cherish during this amazing journey..

Thanks God for sending me a good husband. Reaching my 31 weeks, life has changed dramatically. Not just on me, but to my husband too. I believe this journey has thought him to be more patience, sensitive and attentive. Since the day we knew we're expecting, he did his best as a partner and a father. Being so sick in my first few months, having him to stay up whole night and pat me till I fall asleep were something that I couldn't imagine. Even until today, he never complain anything about my changing behavior. Guess he knows this is just a temporary me. 

Best is he is helping me out as much as he can. From cooking to washing clothes, from sweeping to cleaning toilets were all his tasks now.  I have no complain on his cooking as long I don't need to be in the kitchen cause the frying smell do makes me more sick! I am glad he is quite helpful when it comes to household chores. Isn't I am a lucky lady? I know I am. :)

Dear Kaka,

I know sometimes I can be so ridiculous for crying not being able to watch the TV channel that I want or when you refused to buy me durian (haha!), but I know you know I still love you the same. I apology for that ya baby. Thanks for consistently comforting me and letting me win at whatever situations. You are the best my big boy! 

XOXO,
Sayang..

Happy bullying my Kaka! Haha!

Baby very first books!

Reaching the 4th month, I feel much much better now. Since I have been home during weekends for long, we have decided to go for "Big Bad Wolf" book fair. Spending almost 3 hours there, manage to get some children books for my little ones. I know it may sound weird to some for reading to baby before he is born but to me I do believe in education from the heart, which means we can start anything that build good bonding between mummy/daddy and baby. In this matter, I don't see it as to make my baby to be a genius but to have a great bonding and communication between us. :)

Starting from baby 3 months old, hubby and I took turn to read for him. It feels so much love when baby responded to hubby's voice. Other than reading, before bed I'll play Mozart and Beethoven music to him. Time to time, am as well play Surah-surah Nabi to calm him down. All downloaded to my HP so that I can play them at anytime anywhere!

Until today, I still couldn't believe that I have my baby in me now. It's just so wonderful until I've forgotten all the pains I've been through during my pregnancy. Sick also happy, drowsy also happy, headache also happy, even vomit also happy. See, how great a baby can brings to our life. It's just so amazing. 

Baby, mummy and daddy couldn't wait to see you. Grow healthy ok. Love you, my baby boo!

All for you my little ones!

My 1st Trimester

Recalled back my first 3 months, it's actually gave me a little goosebumps. Not that terrible but it was not easy. However the funniest thing is after the day doctor confirmed that I am expecting, I suddenly became so sick! hahaha Tiba-tiba I feel dizzy, nausea, feel like vomiting all the time! My manja-ness started already, uhukss!

I guess it is really half real sickness and half manja also la. I actually started with bad headache. Night sleep become a nightmare when I need to ensure the 'minyak kapak' is next to me. Then a week later, I started to puke out whatever I eat and it get worsen when it followed with heartburn. Oh the heartburn part is seriously unbearable and terrible! After every meal, I feel the heartburn and drowsy at the same time. So to ease the pain, I supposedly make myself vomit a bit then it feels much better after that. Am not sure if all preggy do feel the same as I feel so hot all the time too!

During my first trimester we spent almost every weekend at home as am not well and being in crowded place makes me more sick. Luckily my kaka okey with it cause not just us cannot go out, even him need to totally cut down his lepak time with his friends due to my manja-ness. :p One thing am proud with my baby is he is actually quite sporting cause during my first 3 months, since chinese pantang not to share the news too early so still do my outdoor job running here and there. Rushing up and down to the Immigration office at Putrajaya for teacher's work permit, went to Tax office and EPF office were my routine. Thanks God for giving me a good health to still continuously doing my work and protect my journey too. Thanks baby for always being there with mummy..You're truly mummy's strength, Love.

I'm 12 weeks old already, mummy!

We're pregnant!

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Finally I'm here again! Yeah it's been like more than half year I didn't update anything in my blog oo kan..oh well..since today I am quite free as teachers were off due to haze, so I try to write something la ok. (sound so terpaksa oo kan..) To be frank, since am expecting I am damn lazy..all I want is to sleep sleep and sleep! =_=

Oh how time flies... I am already in my 31 weeks today and I never even blog anything about my wonderful journey right..sigh..again hormones kicks and I am just so lazy, tired and sleepy. To start the story with, am actually found out am expecting when am about 2 weeks late. Since we have been trying for quite some time so I didn't do any test as normally it will turn up negative. So that night since I still have some left over HPT, I cincai test la. 

1st test---> Without a second, super clear double lines! My eyes turned big! Still, I couldn't believe what I saw. So, I continued with second test. 

2nd test---> Super duper clear double lines!! Oh God!! I was so surprise & at that very moment my tears started to drop, very heavily. I really don't know what to feel cause for the very first time I saw double lines among all the tests I have done for the past one year. It's not easy to accept the truth, even it is a happy one. Feelings mixed up I have. Only God knows how thankful and happy I am at that moment but at the same time I didn't know what to expect. I actually started to worry if I am ready for this, or if I am actually prepared enough to be a mother. I mean a good mother.

I wiped my tears. The first thing popped out in my mind is to share the good news with my very close buddy. I sent him my positive HPT with a smile icon. He was so excited! So do me! Again, my tears dropped. Actually that night both hubby and I were out with our friends separately, so when I reached home he was actually still with his friends. Initially, I was thinking to get JJ & Ean to gotcha him then after that surprise him with the good news,  but once he reached home thing turned up differently when I suddenly cried and hugged him without a word. He seems understand what am I feeling at that time (not this time baby! haha). So as usual he told me to stay positive and we can always try again and again. I then pointed him a nicely wrapped box (with ribbon of course!) and asked him to open it. Without asking further, he opened the box and..........SURPRISE!! Looking at his priceless reaction, I started to laugh and cry at the same time. We took quite a while hugging each other, dropping our happy tears for God's precious gift. It's just a wonderful night.

The night, we couldn't even rest our eyes. We were so excited and keep talking about our little ones. Thinking of what should we buy, what should we name him/her, what should we do during this pregnancy, bla and bla..We keep chitchatting until dawn appeared then very early morning had our breakfast and went to do check up to reconfirm the news. Thanks God, everything goes well. I was in my 5 weeks at that time! 

Am so grateful to finally see that happy face, priceless!

We're pregnant!